Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
