is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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