Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I believe in your delicious
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
