i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
