I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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