idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
