I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
