I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
