You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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