Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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