I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
