i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
