Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
