I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
