Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
