if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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