True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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