My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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