he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
