I wanna bring you to show and tell
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
