What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
