Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
