Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
