Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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