shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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