i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
