It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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