Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
