He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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