No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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