when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
