I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
