Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize