I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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