Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
