I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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