I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
