Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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