just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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