I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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