he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She even gives head with a lisp.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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