Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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