I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
