OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
