Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize