So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
