Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
