i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
