in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
