Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
