I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
