My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize