he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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