is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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