Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
