my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize