You smell like stripper and shame
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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