Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
