bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
