I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
