dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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