Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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