i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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