her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
