I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
