You're so nebulous sometimes
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
