He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
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