did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I've blown a few things in my day
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
