just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
